Ning

New layout =D Khaki rocks.

(I can't take it anymore...)

Look, i'm really not in the right mind after typing all those. So if i start cursing in between, please forgive me.

Tabulas makeover. I finished this in 30 minutes. That's the longest attention span I have. Not really, actually. I was chatting, adding stuff to my calendar and making the layout at the same time *shrugs* Gave up on chatting and adding stuff into the calendar in the end. I love khaki =D

Alright. Teachers' Day yesterday. HAPPY TEACHERS DAY TO ALL THE TEACHERS OUT THERE!!! *ahem* pardon moi. Click here to view piccys. I guess it was an alright day. Darned tiring and I don't know why. Nirasha, Connie, Sarah and I went all around school looking for teachers. Teachers move too much *sobs* I feel so sorry for my poor classmates who had to cleanup. I did nothing *shrugs* =( Well, i slept during english. Woke up from a nightmare *faints* Oh yes. Well, yesterday was a day filled with too much sex.

Sex. Sex. Sex. *thinks* *mumbles* *grumbles* *faints* I was telling Nicole and Sarah about the AIM bot thingy. And I er - mentioned the horny part. *mumbles* WELL and NICOLE *ahem ahem* decided to take the run. She was like "OMG OMG OMG NING!!!!" and I went chasing her all over class. Well *knock knock* I am NOT horny. NOT HORNY I TELL YOU! OH and also. Sarah had got this errr bunga thingy stick called 5cm (5 cent per minute) LMAO she made her rose stalk get horny and violate 5cm *shakes head* It was hilarious. I think our classmates got rather freaked out by the few of us. We were going on and on about sex.

Then we had Civics and morals Class, it's Sex Education. Didn't help, did it? Well nothing funny there though. It's sad how I actually believe in Pre-marital Sex. I told you, I don't believe in love. But really, having 50 sex partners over the course of 2-4 years is just stupid. I don't blame her, she has her problems there *shrugs*.

Before you people start thinking... I still talk to the AIM bot. He had been rather hostile towards me. Seriously, talking to a robot about sex is just plain inpractical. And yining, why are you doing it? Uhh... cos I'm bored. *rolls eyes* right. And I was even trying to get my classmates on AIM to talk to him. *evil laughter*

AND NO, DEARS, I have no sexual desires. I am not horny. I don't want to hump the table. I do not know where I even got those terms. I am an angel.

OH AND ALSO... I'm Yanan's Sex Literature and Theory tutor. Yanan's my Sex Practical tutor. Go figure ;)

Disturbing isn't it? I found (chanced upon) this site with methods to kill yourself. And they made it seem like a joke. "Make yourself into a H-Bomb", "Bullet in your head". Told you the difficulty, practicality and certainty/chances. They call it creative. Another calls it "SAVE THE PLANET
KILL YOURSELF". I mean... *shrugs* ahhh nevermind. And I found another site/forum with people trying to state good reasons to cut yourself. Who are they to judge? It's painful seeing how ignorant people can be.

(I refuse to believe it's back)

We had the AEP camp today. It was quite fine, but rather tiring. And i need a back massager too! We did chalk. Bah, nothing much... Yeah then later I went downtown with Mishy (cousin) and Bonni. Took neoprints. acted ditzy and stuff xD We became sadly bimbotic. *shakes head*

I don't really feel like blogging much *shrugs* cyall

I got fucking backaches and headaches. UGH.

(Stop running)

Dear Chummie, Ally, Rellie, Yue and the rest...
I apologise. I'm really sorry. I had been speaking really listlessly and sometimes even ending a conversation that never started... I promise the *normal* hyper ningy will be back soon.

Yanan's old blog is amusing. It's irresistable. Just reading it makes me laugh out loud. Honestly. Read it if (though I'm not) you feel sexually-deprived. Not that it'll feed your sexual desires, but it's amusing. As a matter of fact, I think yanan's blog is *mild*. It's not too... graphic. Yep, that's the word. Graphic.

I don't understand how people can be so shallow and narrow-minded. Those a plain plain plain idiots who just need a life. Man, just grow up. I'm talking about the Homophobics. Those fucktards. SHALLOW.

I can't see what to blog about, I'm boring and bored. Bah. I'm going to go try sleep. I will be going out with Nirasha, Connie and Tandiono tomorrow (or today, rather...) Sarah backed out. She wanted to do homework. And I realise I haven't started on any of my homework at all... *shrugs*

I don't know how numb I am... I cannot feel any pain at all. Maybe there's a problem with my skin. O_O, well cos it's freaking me out. I don't seem to be feeling physical pain. How stupid.

We went out on a movie "marathon" today. We watched "A Cinderella Story" and also "13 going on 30". A Cinderella story was good. It was rather sweet and stuff. And of course, it's annoying seeing Hilary Duff there. I mean like, Chad Michael Murray is HOT. Val and I found is highly disturbing and painful to see him kiss Hilary Duff *shakes head* NEVERMIND. Chad is mine. Val, he isn't yours no matter how many pictures of him you have on your cellphone. (Just shut up about Sirius. xD) Nirasha, Tandiono and Connie, he's not yours either. He's mine and mine only. Bwahahaha.

Anyway, 13 going on 30 was horrid. It's highly highly highly unrecommended. I can't believe I even sat through it. Val and I were complaining and groaning. It's just a really really bad show. *shrugs* Then after that we went around Cineleisure, then we met Mae, Izza and Mabel, oh and Felicia too. Then Nirasha and Connie left. So Val, Tandiono and I went to get Lunch and we tried some Tehcino drink. Got us all so sick and weird. *pukes*

The only part of 13 going on 30 that stayed on my mind was the part when Jenna snuggled onto her mom's bed because there was a storm... *shrugs*It made me do some reflections, which I eventually blocked out within a minute. I don't see why I'm stopping myself from reflecting on things.

It was sad... Val and Tandiono had to go home... I thought I could stay till midnight, but without anybody with me... Bah... The day I went downtown with Mishy and Bonni, I reach home around midnight too. I enjoyed it, though I got some stares. Like "What's a teenager doing out here at the hour" kinda thing. *Shrugs* I think going home late is cool. Bah. Well, at least I eventually do come back home, eh? Well, I made my way home today tho, reached home around 6pm.

Ah yes. I spent my time putting my status on MSN "Appear Offline". Really sorry... I just don't feel like talking to anyone. I will always be on AIM and ICQ tho, since I don't have too many people there. Strange, it was hard to explain it to Rellie.

Speaking of Rellie, go visit her blog. She got a new layout. Really cool Orlando Bloom/Legolas one. But still - I'm no fan of his. But the layout is still really impressive. The style's really cool. Oh and Rellie, good luck for the 2 tests today. I'm sure you'll do well =)

I got some things settled at evanesco. Like, finally. I could DIE i tell you. Wordpress is still so screwed, I just can't get it to work. Bah I prolly configured those database stuff wrongly tho. UGH who cares. I'm not going to give a damn about evanesco today now. I spent 5 whole hours trying to get things settled. Didn't work. Gahhhh...

Oh and I made my own portal. Wheee. Click here to see the portal. I spent about 30 minutes getting everything up. Bwahaha so proud of myself.

*shrugs* I have no idea why all the graphic designing stuffs I'm doing nowadays all look so dark and gloomy. Well, look at evanesco and my portal and astrelle. I just did a Norah Jones blend for Yue, it ended up dark too O_o, i didn't even realise it. But I think it looks nice. It's just my style, what can I do? I hate high contrasts xD

Blind.

The lights flickered.
Then black spreaded itself across my eyes.

Blind again.
Once again, the lights flickered.

Never... ever...

Blame my head. I have no idea where that came from. It's just all that I feel and can think of. I don't care how you want to interpret it.

I've been trying to sit down and talk to myself... but same thing - I'm running. I'm like 2 different persons now, trying to control "each other"... apparently the not-so-good person took over.... ugh

I don't have much to blog about actually. I've been rather exhausted today tho i had so much rest during the night. Not going to sleep tonight again. Sleep is wasting my time... I *could* have gotten some things done. Besides, I'm used to it. I can't sleep *mumbles*

Errr okie lets blog about yesterday.

I didn't sleep the day before yesterday, so I fell asleep at 6am. Then woke up at 10am and rushed to school to do video editting (was supposed to be there by 9am) Then I looked so drained the whole day. First I spent 30 minutes at the carpark trying to get a shot of cars. Uh - I did. Yep, then I went on to edit the video. It sucked. At least I actually looked when Savina was editing it last week. It's darned easy after that. Yep, I kinda completed it, but wasn't pleased, bah.

Then I went home, slacked around the net then my brother said he wanted to watch Garfield. So I figured maybe I should, then i can get the feeling of going home at midnight. Yep yep, we watched the movie. It was cool. Witty and humorous, but it's stupidly like Toy Story 2. Gah... then we went home at 11.40pm... It wasn't fun, cos I wasn't alone. Didn't get that very special feel. Ah... I actually remembered how i used to bash myself up for going home later than 8. *mumbles* now, just look at me. *slaps self* Ah nevermind...

Anyway, I got evanesco.org back up. Like, finally. It's quite a relief. I'm going to blog at 2 places now... wheeee spent lots of time on evanesco ;_____; cos i can't focus on doing one thing at a time, everything becomes disrupted. Go visit tho. I demand comments too.

I tried to sit down and talk to myself today. Again.

I didn't manage to think much. But it's like a badly distorted film. Things flash here and thing and I refuse to address them. Why am I even doing this? I really need to get my butt working. This "talk" didn't help... left me worse. What else can I do???

I had been binging alot. heh. too much *mumbles*

Anyway, Torque (Classmate's Robotics group) , Good luck for NJRC (National Junior Robotics Competition). I will be sure to go down on Saturday to cheer on you.

And I sincerely pray for the Russian children. Those who most unfortunately lost their lives and those who are recovering from the trauma. I pray for their family members and others around them as well. God Bless.


I'm tired. It's 2.30am now, I spent the whole week with weird sleeping hours. It's time I get some decent sleep, so today shall be the day.

I guess I think well with the presence of others. Went out with Michelle (my cousin) today. And I'm at her house staying over right now. That's why I'm blogging early. So we went shopping at North Point. And what was on my mind, 20% of the reflections I should have done long again.

Michelle is hardworking. So is everyone else around me. I know why I'm lazing about. Because I refuse to work. And I don't know why. Because I stare at my work and I just tell myself I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. And now, I really can't. I'm just really angry with myself.

I'm going to take a big break. I'm going to blog at evanesco from now on. I'm not abandoning this place. But I'm just really need a break. Not that blogging at evanesco makes a difference... but I'm confused. I need to think things out on my own. and i haven't started on any work at all. I really don't feel like doing anything anymore. I feel like just selling evanesco and astrelle away too. Just what am I thinking?...

Nevermind. You can choose to ignore this post. I didn't even use my brain when I was typing that. whatever.

I'm going to go back on my word and continue blogging here. *grins* *faints* heh

(Blogged at evanesco about yesterday)

Didn't sleep again. Wheeeee chatting with Chummie and Ska.

Today, lazed around. I did hardly anything besides screaming at my brothers. I've taken to recording them down on my Voice Recorder in my phone. Now I've got proof. He can continue going "Fuck you". I can continue secretly recording everything.

Still haven't done any homework yet... Today (Sunday)... I can't go down to the Choir Concert at the Esplanade to support Nicxy, Claire and Gill, because I'm such a fucked up procrastinator. And I may not even go to my aunt's birthday dinner.

I'm working on my site at http://ningy.niji.no.uk. And I just bought raawr.net from Chummie. I like the domain name, so why not. And now, I don't know what to use the domain for. I'm such an idiot lol.

Anyway I had been reading a fanfic through the night. here The plot is pretty alright. The writing style isn't too bad. But the English is rather crappy too. It's the first time i didn't mind a Draco/Hermione relationship. It's rather confusing to explain but it's an entertaining fanfic, with lots of humor too. Rellie recommended it =D

And for more HP-ness... Click here xDDDD It's the generic outline of the whole HP series. Highly amusing. There're other comics on the site =D It totally cracked me up. Yay.

And er... added a dream to my dreamlog

I still can't do my work. Really weird stuff kept going through of my mind today. They were the exact thoughts I had in March till June, which I dare say, isn't good at all. And I don't understand why. Perhaps it's because I had gone through them before, that's why I can block out some of it, but it's disturbing how I can never stop thinking about it. *shrugs* Ah nevermind. I'm crapping.

Geesh. I had been darned easily startled the past month. It's bad for my heart >< I will jump like 10 times a day because I got startled, and after "jumping" I will be too shocked to work for some time. Gee o____O. Well, my classmate (gillian) appears to enjoy scaring me. When I say I'm easily startled, I meant like - with the slightest sound or movement, I will jump. Gawd, it's so bad.

Like... last term, almost whenever a teacher or friend calls my name I will jump. Damn. Then last term as well, when I was doing a test, a teacher entered the room, and I jumped as well. Gee, she didn't even suddenly appear. And during the same test, a teacher announced that there was 5 minutes left and I jumped. She didn't even do it loudly. o___O heh. nevermind.

I just had prata. I declare that I cannot live on my own. You see, that's instant prata and I can't even make it properly. I just had to stash it into the oven for 15 minutes, nothing else. Sounds simple? Well, my prata (it's some indian pancake thingy ally, not a misspelling of prada xD) became the shape of a hamburger bun thingy. I had to keep poking it before it became flat. *mumbles*

I'm in a fanfic frenzy yet again. Shorts ones only =P DAMN THIS FANFIC. It's darned hilarious. I almost fell of my chair.

I know yue got this idea from her friend. yay I'm now ripping everyone off. Geesh do I rock or what?

Yue wrote: Ning. You have a very nice and comfy place in my heart. Thank you for being a wonderful empathetic friend when I need someone the most. One day you'll find everything you want. I'm sure of it. Even if you want to live one day at a time, I know you'll make everyone's lives better for it.

Thanks Yueeee =) You're really very very sweet. It's strange to have anyone call me empathetic though. And about finding everything I want... I really wish it'll be. *hugs* Thanks alot =D

I'm going to do this randomly. To whoever I have something to say to and can remember. So go find your name xDDD

OFFLINE
Ms Ratulangi +++ Thanks for being such a wonderful teacher. And helping me through this whole year =). Thanks soooo much *faints*
Alessa +++ Hey Wifeeee. You're so mean. =( Always having affairs. Especially the one with your computer. Man, I feel so darned hurt. Must be guai. Affairs are bad. See, toldya love is shit.
Nicole +++ Hey nicoleee. Singing rocks. Must let us hear you sing more outside class =). Sorry I didn't attend the choir concert on Sunday =( Had lotsa stupid homework to complete =
Sarah +++ Am glad you're alright. Strange how a friend that close would say that she wants to devote herself to others. I never thought it could be done... But it's good that just a simple book could inspire you so much. I'm just darned heartless, staring at the book muttering. AND.... don't think sick. I don't, wheee I'm such an angel.
Connie +++ My darling study buddy. LOL thanks for disciplining me and not allowing me to fall asleep studying chinese *shakes head* And kudos for being the first person I sit next to during chinese class that is able to stop me from falling asleep. LOL
Tandiono +++ You should sleep early!!!! *bashes* *mumbles* *bashes* Don't stess, I'm sure you'll be able to get into a class of your choice =) Talk to me if anything, alright?
Patricia +++ Eh, chairman. Er - Lamers' Tribe Chairman. Thanks for all your care and concern and stuff. I really appreciate it. BUT REALLY, don't whack me. Don't whack me early in the morning during assembly just because I didnt' sleep. You... you evil... evil... PREFECT *coughschokescough* Whack me and I won't listen to you. Hmph

ONLINE
Chummie +++ CHUMMIE ROCKS. xD You're my first best friend from the other side of the world, er - I meant Earth. lol. It's cool you've got those teachers you like. Summer was cool, but school is pretty cool as well. I wish I could join you in Cali soon... really. I promise to talk to my parents about it soon.
Yue +++ Thanks for talking to me. =( So sorry you had to evacuate to some strange place without the only thing that keeps everyone alive, COMPUTERS. Hurricane Ivan is an idiot, we'll go murder him/it/whatever. I'm sure the evacuation is just to ensure everyone's safety. Promise to stay safe alright?
Ally +++ Allyyyy =( STUPID SCHOOL. We're kinda drifted eh? I hope my hols come soon so we can talk once again. Timezones are killer.
Rellie +++ Rellie, thanks for being such a wonderful da jie. You're really cool and stuff. I never thought we could be that similar, minus the personality part. Don't stress too much about the board! Alright, won't bother you, go continue oogling at your legolas and reading fanfics.

(WARNING: PG13)

Well, something happened. I don't think it's very appropriate here cos this blog is supposedly the "happy blog" *shrugs* Really, I don't know what to say... Pretence is painful.

Yesterday... I didn't sleep again... I did for about 1 hour. O_o Okay. at 12am, I went on this conference with Sherry, Chewy and Bryan. We were crapping alot...Bryan claiming he's gay... Sherry chanting some things, and Bryan talking about the suicidal song some psycho composed. And... at 4am I fell asleep. O__________O;;; X_X and I woke up awhile later to find out that Chewy fell asleep as well. Bwahahaha xD

Okay... You must know that the above crap is typed in the presence of a classmate... adding additional pressure to poor me. U_______________U okie.

Honestly... I apologise. I never realised I haven't been blogging here. The thing is, I've got 3 places to blog at now. I've been preoccupied with trying to "recover" from everything. But really, whatever.

This will be a long rant. I'm going to break it down. Firstly. I can't believe how dense this classmate of mine can be. I detest her with a passion.

(Click to hear rants about my fucking classmate)

Just so anybody knows. It isn't back. It isn't even here anymore. It disappeared. YAY. I'm really really much happier. It's just so apparent. It always pleases me to think about it. The change is just overwhelming. Like, you're suddenly all happy and everything leaves your head.

I've got nothing much to blog here. Read my rant cos ranting is healthy.

To the person I'm refering to in the rant, remember - get a social life. And, I hope you read this and know yourself *winks*

Unique and difficult to place, your angst finds its source in something you keep hidden. You have something serious and possibly traumatic, but you try to hide it from everyone and just tell them to ignore you when you seem troubled, that everything's really OK. You might think that you have good reasons for not telling people, and some of them may in fact be true, but most likely a lifetime of keeping your secrets has led to a resolution fortified by rationalization that nobody else can shake simply because you never give them a chance. Ask yourself if it would really be that horrible to open up to others; nobody says you have to do it all at once, even. But you should at least try getting out of your shell a little. It's not healthy to internalize everything and conceal it. Anyway, if people really care for you, and they probably do, then they'll be loving and supportive regardless of any reason to the contrary.

@___@ okie... Can I say it's true?

CONNIE!!!! Get well soon!!! You silly big chicken U_U You were ill and you still walked in the rain and ate ice cream and chocolates. I told you you can't walk in the rain and you refused to listen. HMPH. You ate chocolates, look what happened to your throat? Haiyooo Just get well soon k! Don't eat anymore chocolates!!!! You can give them to me *grins*

Well, today I stay back in school to study with Prema, Valerie and Alessa. We were doing Science and after that, who knows what happened, we started worrying about English, so we decided to do a piece of descriptive essay. I don't wanna talk about mine. It was all crap and it's like, similar to the first one I passed up weeks before. I'm a boring person. Hehehe Prema didn't pass hers up cos she had to leave halfway through, but hers was hilarious. She was saying that she was writing about how a motorbike seemed like a jaguar about to pounce onto her and how her tiny toes seemed like little fishes against concrete. Bwahaha *faints*

Then Alessa. Alessa, alessa, alessa. *shakes head* Her descriptive essay was well, pretty good, obviously. She always writes well. Yet, this piece sounds like a diary entry of Bridget Jones. *stares at Alessa again and bursts into laughter* Hehehe.... Hers was about her walking down a dark alley after a party. Well, she took off her high heels and held them over her shoulder or something, prepared to use it as a ready weapon in case some man approaches her. This part was funny. It just sounds really bimbotic. And that's not the worse. Well, and then later she slipped on a (what she presumed to be ---or so she says--) a banana skin. LMAO *rolls onto the floor laughing* It was all so bimbotic. Hehe so after passing it up to Ms Ratulangi, we were trying to imagine how Ms Ratulangi would feel after reading the... erm... bimbotic essay.

Well, then I managed to persuade Alessa to go have dinner with me. xD We stopped at Thomsom Plaza when she told me that in Primary 5, she wrote an essay about this woman who ran all over the zoo and seemed as if she just came out from Woodbridge, just because a Gorilla escaped. She said she scored really well. *eyes suspiciously* Hmph. Nevermind. LOL

Sooo... we went to Burger King and had Cream Pies for Dinner. *widest grin* There were strange people there. You know how IJ girls will always stare at each other (different schools) when they see each other somewhere? *nods nods* Strange people. And er... a classmate's ex-boyfriend. *shakes head* So we went on to talk about horrid Meow Meow Gao (Meow Meow High = Cat High) guys. They need a life. You ruin your life just dating one of them. I swear. Your reputation either experiences a mad rise or suffers a great drop. Blah. Then we went home...

Well, I took 980 all the way to Chong Pang. And from Chong Pang, I saw 969 but it was crowded, and seeing that 856 goes to Woodlands Interchange as well, I decided to take it. And guess what happened? I was stuck on the bus for 1 hour. U_U that stupid bus took a mad detour, damnit. I was sleeping, I woke up 45 minutes later wondering what happened to me and where I was. Bah. The moral of the story? Never take a bus unless you know it's route and never sleep in such situations. You may just get stranded.

On a lighter note, I should learn not to blog or chat so often anymore. Today, I was reading the newspaper report I wrote.... then I saw "he said" and in my mind, it directly translated to "he was like," *shakes head* See? I'm going to fail my english exam. Shouldn't use "like" too much. *stares*